TD3 THREATENS TO SUE CITY OF BIRMINGHAM, DEMANDS REPARATIONS FOR “EMOTIONAL DISTRESS” AFTER IRON GAUNTLET

MOUNTAIN BROOK, AL – In a press release printed on what appears to be imported Italian parchment and hand-delivered by a man in driving moccasins, Todderick Davenport III—known in Iron City Wrestling circles as “TD3” or “Hot Toddy”—has formally threatened legal action against the entire City of Birmingham, Iron City Wrestling, Eric Dane, and Graysie Parker, citing “willful negligence, cultural hostility, and psychological persecution of the aristocracy.”

The move comes just days after the Iron Gauntlet event, which saw hometown hero Graysie Parker crowned the inaugural Iron Crown Champion when she pinned Davenport in the final elimination to become the champion! Todderick is seeking the following restitution for physical and emotional distress:

• $3.2 million in emotional damages,

• An official apology from Mayor Randall Woodfin,

• A full ban on Graysie Parker appearing within 500 feet of his person or private polo grounds,

• And most bizarrely, an exemption from all future city taxes due to “generational contribution via legacy capital.”

Davenport claims the environment inside The Foundry was “hostile to excellence” and that he and his associates, the Rich Young Grapplerz, were “subjected to unregulated blue-collar energy and excessive noise levels far exceeding tolerable decibel standards for gentlemen of standing.”

He also alleges that the crowd’s “boorish chanting” amounted to “socioeconomic discrimination against dynastic wealth.”

“THIS IS NOTHING SHORT OF CHARACTER ASSASSINATION,” SAYS TD3 SPOKESPERSON

Appearing outside the Birmingham Municipal Courthouse in a linen suit and loafers with no socks, Darrington Darrington (Esquire?)—twin brother and legal proxy of Darian Darrington—told gathered reporters:

“Our client was ambushed emotionally and aesthetically. The lighting was harsh. The concrete was unsanded. There were... fans there. We’re exploring every legal avenue, including possible action against whoever designed the Iron Crown for failing to make it ‘wearable with formal attire.’”

TD3 himself took to social media shortly after:

“You people should thank me for even visiting your zip code. This town smells like diesel and bad decisions.”
—@RealHotToddy, verified on RichGuy

FURTHER DEMANDS INCLUDE:

• The Iron Crown be “recast in platinum” with “optional diamonds,”

• The Rich Young Grapplerz be “granted full control of all valet parking operations” at future ICW events,

• That Graysie Parker be disqualified retroactively for “aggressive perspiration unbecoming a champion,”

• And finally, a six-figure settlement to compensate for the “psychological toll of performing in a building without a champagne room.”

GRAYSIE RESPONDS IN TRUE GRAYSIE FORM

Reached for comment at her favorite Waffle House, Graysie Parker laughed for a full six seconds before saying:

“If he’s lookin’ to sue someone, he better sue his parents for raisin’ a clown. He can cry into his lawsuit all he wants—I’ve got a title to defend and some teeth to knock out.”

WHAT’S NEXT?

ICW officials have yet to release a formal statement, though rumor has it TD3 has already reserved a skybox for next week’s Iron City Fight Club taping, complete with white leather furniture, a personal sommelier, and a custom ventilation system to avoid “unfiltered fan breath.”

As for the lawsuit?

Legal experts are divided. Some call it “completely absurd,” while others note that in Mountain Brook, suing reality is a valid coping strategy.

IRON CITY PRESS
Stay tuned for continued coverage as this legal circus winds its way through the most absurd court in the land: pro wrestling.